In some families, the original isn't always the best when it comes to fathers. For 'fragile families', described as low-income urban families prone to non marital births, mothers say that stepfathers are often more engaged, cooperative and willing to share responsibilities than married biological fathers.

A new study finds that while married biological fathers and stepfathers may be almost equally engaged with the children themselves, it is their interaction with mom that often makes stepfathers better parents. The mothers surveyed reported that stepfathers shared their parental views and were more open to talking about their parental wants than natural fathers. Rebekah Levine Coley, a developmental psychologist at Boston College, says this is probably because stepfathers "have to work harder to fit in and to have a useful productive role."

Coley says the findings contradict the popular view among social workers and experts that dads are more invested if the child is of their own flesh and blood. "I think this research does, to some extent, call some of those assumptions into question," she said.

The conclusions were made after interviewing 2,098 urban mothers from the The Fragile Families and Child Wellbeing study and will be published in the Journal of Marriage and Family.

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Nearly 5 years ago, I found myself at a wedding in a city far from my home, away from my 3-month-old twins who'd been born prematurely, and had recently been released from the NICU.

The fact that I would leave my family at such a time to travel to this wedding says a lot about the couple being married that day: I'd known the bride since girlhood and felt as close to her as if she were a sister.

Being mom to 3 children was still new to me, then; people would ask if I had kids and I'd answer, "Yes, a 4-year-old," and then hastily add, "And twins! The babies are 3 months."

Only sometimes did I say that my son Avery had Down syndrome. I didn't have the words figured out, yet. I didn't know how to manage my reactions as well as the reactions of others. Even the terms were problematic: sometimes I'd say "Down syndrome," sometimes I preferred "Trisomy 21," which sounded (to me) more scientific and was less likely to elicit stereotypes.

Too, I sometimes said too much. I'd go into great detail about all of it--my water breaking at dawn (what a lovely image!) and the premature delivery and Avery's diagnosis, on and on, until I was exhausted and so was my poor conversation partner, whom I'm sure was regretting the one simple question that unlocked Pandora's box.

We've all seen swimmer Micheal Phelps' mother and sisters cheering him on from the stands as he makes history at the Beijing Olympics. Conspicuously missing from this family picture is his father, Fred. Not only is Fred absent in China, he hasn't even spoken to his son since the games began.

"He's so busy, I'm sure not even his agent can get a hold of him," Fred said. "I'm very proud of him and all he's done. This is not about me, it's about him."
Michael's parents were high school sweethearts who divorced when he was just nine years old. "It was like a storybook [marriage], but sometimes chapters go in different directions," says his mother Debbie. "We were close, but we grew apart."

Clearly Fred Phelps grew apart not just from his wife, but from his son as well. When Fred showed up at the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens, Michael admitted that up until that point, he hadn't been in contact with his father since he graduated high school. He also revealed that his father hadn't even reached out to him after he set his first world record in 2001. "There are reasons and I really don't want to get into that," Michael said.

Whatever those reasons were, they clearly were not resolved. After the 2004 Games, father and son became estranged once more. And while Fred Phelps watches from afar, Michael Phelps gives credit for his success where credit is due. "The person I love the most is sitting in the front row - my mom - for everything she's done," Michael told reporters in Beijing.

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Yes, he does. The action movie star recently divulged that he wants a large family to Ok! magazine. Diesel, real name Mark Sinclair Vincent, a native New Yorker, says he wants twelve kids!

Diesel recently became a father to a daughter, and apparently the experience has been a good one! Diesel and girlfriend Paloma Jimenez welcomed the tot, whose name has not been revealed, four months ago.

The actor says being in the movie The Pacifier solidi fed his desire for children. Being around all the babies awakened his paternal instincts. Yes, even the star of such movies as The Fast and The Furious has paternal instincts!

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From Mary McDonnell finding an abandoned baby in the bushes while jogging in Grand Canyon to Jennifer Garner's desire to adopt in Juno, it would seem that Hollywood, if not the rest of the world, sees adoption as primarily a female goal. According to a new report, however, adoption is apparently a guy thing. Like just about twice as much a guy thing.

Data from the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth showed that more than 1.2 million men and just over six hundred thousand women had adopted children. The report also noted, though, that at least part of the difference may be due to men marrying and adopting their new spouse's children from a prior relationship. Still, even allowing for that situation, you simply can't make the claim that adoption is something only women think about.

My father grew up in an orphanage, so I do like the idea of adopting. If money weren't a consideration, I would definitely think about adopting a couple of kids. I know there are a lot of kids out there that need families; it's good to know that guys are every bit as interested in giving them homes as women are.

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Did you and your significant other take a break from the kids this summer? Did you jet off to some exotic locale and enjoy some one-on-one with the one you love? Yeah, me neither. In fact, I don't know one single couple who managed to get away from the kids and spend some quality time alone together this summer. This is definitely good news for our bank accounts, but what about our relationships?

In these times of rising prices and economic uncertainty, what are parents supposed to do when they need a little time to reconnect without the pitter patter of little feet to distract them? A dinner out is nice, but a lot of couples are opting for an adult staycation. It's just like the family staycations we've been talking about, minus the family.

Checking into a local hotel for a night or two may seem a waste with kids, but it definitely has some appeal for parents alone. Lining up a weekend sitter and escaping to a nearby resort or just a nice downtown hotel is the perfect way to get away without getting too far away. I don't know about you, but the opportunity to lounge by a pool, sleep late and order room service is all I really want from a vacation anyway. What about you? Have you enjoyed an adult staycation this year?

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My middle son Avery is sitting too close to the television, which is an old fight and not one I'm particularly interested in revisiting at the moment. Like most of America, we've watched the dazzling opening ceremonies of the Olympics in Beijing and we're hooked. I'm rooting for the moms: weightlifter Melanie Roach whose son has autism, and gymnast Oksana Chusovitina, who moved to Germany for her son's oncology treatments.

Avery has 2 favorite events: swimming and gymnastics. When the athletes line up across the pool, he counts, "One, two, three," and then says and signs the word "Go!" The sign for go is thumbs up, index fingers pointing forward, like a starter's gun going off.

If Avery's countdown matches the actual one, and the swimmers dive on his "Go!" he brings his hands to his face and covers it, shy, giggling, and extra-pleased with himself. Avery is 5-years-old. He's my middle son, a fraternal twin, and he has Down syndrome.

Having Down syndrome means, in this instance, that the gymnastics events of the Olympics are one place where he can watch other people who are as flexible as he is. He rolls around our carpet and spreads his legs into splits, or folds himself in half, pulling his feet up to his ears. For good measure, he flips back over and kicks his leg up into the air, so that his toes are almost touching the top of his head.

And when he's finished, he jumps to standing and raises his hands in the air, like the Olympians he sees on television. He waves to the crowd (usually me) then struts off into the kitchen, which is my cue to burst into applause. He returns, shy and giggling again, and dives into my lap for a hug.

Avery is healthy and has had excellent medical care since his birth. As his family, we've received help in the form of physical therapy and speech therapy and connections through our local child development center. We've been able to meet and enjoy other families who live with Down syndrome at annual events, like the upcoming Buddy Walks, which usually take place in the fall and are organized by the more than 275 affiliates across the country. All these things are a normal and natural part of living with disability in the United States; but these rights are not available everywhere in the world.

Before Avery came into my life, like most people, I was aware of another Olympics, a different one, a special one. But it wasn't until I was watching the Beijing Olympics with Avery that I began to understand their importance. The Special Olympics is an international, nonprofit organization dedicated to improving the life of children and adults with intellectual disabilities, by encouraging them to become physically fit through sports training and competition.

And with more than 500,000 athletes from China, more than 210,000 in India, nearly 550,000 in the United States, 600 in Afghanistan and 4,400 in Rwanda, the Special Olympics is more than a sports organization for people with intellectual disabilities--it's a powerful force for social change.

Before this year, my favorite part of the Olympics used to be the medals ceremonies. I loved the athletes for their single-minded pursuit of excellence; when they'd lower their heads ever-so-slightly to receive the medals around their necks, tears always came to my own eyes. To me, the athletes represented perfection, or at least, the human endeavor to obtain it.

But now, watching the Olympics in Beijing this year, with Avery twirling and spinning across our carpet to the music of the floor exercises, or seeing his delight and excitement when the swimmers kick and splash their way to the final lap, I can't help but think that I've been missing the point.

I recalled the opening ceremony--the thousands of athletes marching proudly around the venue. I remembered an announcer commented that most of the participants will not receive medals; that in fact, many countries have never received any medals. And yet they were there, part of it, their dreams shining as brightly as anyone's.

They remind me of Avery, and the extra hours of hard work it took him to learn to walk. Or the amazing concentration it takes for him to speak the word "Go." Or the truly remarkable resilience of the human spirit. It's not the medal that matters to me, anymore. It's where you start, and how you finish, and what you make of the journey in between.

Having a child not only opens up a whole new section of your heart, it also cleans out the tear ducts on a regular basis. Here are some things that are nearly guaranteed to have parents scrambling for a tissue:

• Signs of affection between siblings- We become immune to the sounds of sibling squabbles, but seeing little brothers holding hands or comforting each other? Instant waterworks.
• The Olympics- The competition was always compelling, but having your own child means you can truly relate to what the parents of the athletes are feeling, and for the first time appreciate the sacrifices made to get kids to that level.
• Various "firsts"- The first step, first day of school, first car, all amazing events that remind you how quickly time passes and your baby is no longer much of a baby at all.
• The destruction of a treasure possession- They say 'You can't take it with you', but you CAN pass down Great-Grandma's teapot to the next generation AS LONG AS THEY DIDN'T DROP IT PLAYING CATCH IN THE DRIVEWAY WHILE YOU WERE IN THE BATHROOM.
• When the child does well- pitching a great game, nailing the high note in a solo, it doesn't matter. They did great and the sniffles of pride soon follow.
• When the child tries but bombs- what a brave little soldier!
• Hearing about other children who are sick, hurt, or suffering in anyway, anywhere
• When Dumbo's Mom is taken away after defending him from those horrible kid who were hurting him and she sings the "Baby Mine" song

What has been making your eyeballs leak since you've become a parent?

A remarkable thing happened, here in our little valley where nothing much seems to be going on most days, where the grasses have grown tall and the seed-heads keep them heavy and nodding, sleepy, especially in the late afternoons.

By then, the hot summer sun has slipped behind the ridge in back of the house; then, the light filters through the cottonwoods along the little creek and the sounds of the day seem to quiet, distilling to the essence of summer. The wind in the leaves, the occasional cry of a hawk, the faintest trickling of water from the spring.

A mood of tranquility, a spell of summer, until it's broken by the cries of my kids, "Mom! Mom! Mom! Come quick!"

I rush out the front gate, where I'm met by 3 out-of-breath boys. Carter, the oldest, holds in his right hand a butterfly net with a plastic orange handle. His left hand is squeezing the net closed. It's clear they've caught something and I peer through the mesh to see what it might be.

It's a frog.

Their excitement is contagious and my heart begins to race, too. I can't remember the last time I've seen such a thing, maybe never? My girlhood wasn't overly-full of frogs. I think about what a frog might need: a home, some food, rocks, water? Don't they eat flies?

I rush into the house and return with an empty plastic container, the kind that once held an enormous amount of lettuce. We poke holes in the top with a stick and Carter deposits the frog into the new, temporary home.

We form a semi-circle around the plastic container, regarding its contents. Even as we watch him (and I don't know why I think it's a him), he's watching back, 2 deep, brown froggy eyes trained on us.

He's not really green; he's more brown, but whitish underneath. There are large, black spots ringed with black circles on either side of his spine. His legs are thick with muscles and his toes are long and slender. He seems big to me, the size of my fist, or larger.

He tries to hop and the whole plastic container jumps with him. We all leap back. My middle son Avery raises his hands to his face, his mouth forming a wide, startled, Oh! And I have to agree: Oh!

It's amazing, to me, all of it: that we'd be here, the 4 of us, on this airy summer day; that Carter, who I remember so clearly as a tiny baby, has grown into this brave and confident frog-catcher of a boy; that his brothers are next to him, the babies I'd waited for and hoped for and even still, when they finally arrived, I was totally unprepared.

I remember everything--the days spent in and out of the NICU and my one wish, an unspoken prayer that was so simple, yet it seemed impossible: Please let my babies know this world. Please let them grow big enough to have a life outside this hospital air, these beeping machines. Please let them breath real air, let them feel the softness of a purple summer twilight.

Never once did I imagine we'd be here: it was a dream too big to hope for. And since then, there have been so many summer twilights, and I am greedy for them, my prayer now is like a child bumping 2 fists together, which is sign language for more. I want more--I want these days to last forever.

And the frog. Sometime back in the spring, when I was making scrambled eggs one morning, or buttering toast, he was there in the creek. When I fed the wood stove against the cold and the little boys practiced letters and numbers, he was there. When I swept the floor, or loaded the washing machine, or tucked the boys into bed, all the while he was there.

As my boys grew so did this frog, near us, touched by the light from the windows in the evenings, or the rumble of the Red Flyer wagon as we pulled it past the creek. Sharing the same sunshine when the spring turned to summer, and witnessing the same thunderstorms playing across the sky. And I'm reminded of how all things are connected. How even when we sometimes can't see it, wonders exist right outside the front door.

Marky Mark is finally ready to settle down. The former pop star and current mega-hottie actor, fresh off the lukewarm if challenging film The Happening, is preparing to marry his girlfriend after all these years. According to People, Wahlberg and Rhea Durham are ready to make it official and have baby number three on the way! Why? Well, the former head of the Funky Bunch wants his family to be as successful as his movie career. With hits like Oscar-winning The Departed to his credit, Wahlberg may have to put in some daddy overtime!

Wahlberg, 37, says he is finally ready to give up life in the fast lane and work on the things that matter in life, like getting eight hours of sleep at night. Good, luck, Mark! Clearly this man has no idea that parenting entails giving up your sleep preferences until your kid goes to college.

My question is this: Does it take a marriage to make a family? The Jolie-Pitts would say no way, no day (although who knows, they may already secretly be married if rumors are true). Many other celebrity parents have admitted they have no plans or need to marry. What do you think? Is there ever a right time to "settle down" and marry whether or not you already have a family?

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Whether you're already a dad or thinking of becoming one, if you're a man who's part of a couple that's trying to conceive, you might just want to lay off soy for a while.

A recent small study found that men who consume even small amounts of soy each day may cut their sperm count by up to 40%. A half serving is as little as a half of a veggie burger. Researchers theorize that the isoflavones in soy, which act like oestrogen in the body, affect sperm production. Critics of the study say that other research in this area have found that soy doesn't have an impact on sperm production, and theorize that obesity may have played a role in this study's findings.

Either way, it's worth mentioning to your doctor if you're having trouble conceiving. Though women often bear the brunt of invasive testing when infertility is suspected, male factor infertility is both common and relatively easy to test. Researchers say that this study is not enough evidence for men to stop eating soy, but that if you're overweight, have irregular sperm counts, and eat soy regularly, it might be something to take a look at.

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While it's not standard operating procedure, it's not uncommon for an older gentleman who is done having kids to get a vasectomy. When it comes to having sex, I imagine it is a much more convenient and efficient method of birth control than using a condom. These days, however, it's not just granddads who are taking advantage of that convenience.

According to this article, younger men are opting to take control of the contraception situation themselves -- and permanently. Or at least semi-permanently, since vasectomies are, in theory, reversible. When the vasectomy is done at an early age and the reversal much later, however, the likelihood of restoring fertility is much lower than when the initial cut is made later and the reversal done sooner thereafter.

So why would a guy take such a chance with his potential fatherhood? Well, actually, it's because they don't want to take a chance on fatherhood. After half a dozen near-misses with an unwanted pregnancy, Tim Vass got snipped. Afterwards, he says, the sex was much better -- "It's like eating junk food and knowing you're not going to get fat."

Personally, I'm not in favor of any surgery, no matter how minor, that's not absolutely necessary. Of course, I've got the most reliable form of contraception -- kids. Still, even though I'm done having kids, I think I would rather use a condom than get snipped. But if I were young, and single, and had any chance of getting lucky, I could see how a vasectomy would be a tempting alternative to carrying a bunch of condoms around with me.

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Sometimes, a little vice makes all the difference. No, I'm not talking about drugs or sex or anything like that. I'm talking about things like playing escape-the-room games or surfing real estate websites to find the perfect (or at least affordable) vacation home. Or, in Stefanie Ilgenfritz's case, watching soap operas.

She writes, in the Wall Street Journal, about her secret love of soaps and how she looks forward during the week to watching her taped episodes on the weekends. For me, it's the occasional game (usually one posted on Lazy Laces) or reading some of my favorite webcomics (like xkcd or Questionable Content) or looking at houses for sale in the Russian River area and fantasizing about taking the kids up to the river on the weekends.

I'm sure there are just as many such guilty pleasures as there are parents, but these sorts of harmless fun -- while not exactly getting the chores done -- help us all keep our sanity. And, as I learned a long time ago in another life, you have to care for the caregiver.

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In some small way, I wish we'd never started with the whole Santa Claus things. My kids are so deeply invested in it that I'm afraid finding out the truth is going to break their little hearts. My hope is that they'll learn gradually, like I did, and not all at once. Christmas is still magical to me, and I know that all those years experiencing the mystery and magic of Christmas is part of that feeling.

Cole Gamble, over at StrollerDerby, disagrees with me. He calls Santa Claus, along with the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny, one of the 14 lies we should stop telling our children. Others include:

• Just tell me the truth and you won't get in trouble.
• Do this or you won't get [something big you possibly can't take away anyway].
• Big kids eat their vegetables; aren't you a big kid?
• You'll make more friends if you play nice.
• Mommy and Daddy are "taking a nap."

Cole says it's also statistically impossible that your child is the prettiest/most handsome in the world, because in fact, his children already hold that title. Since we've been talking a lot about lying this week, I think Cole's timing with this hilarious list couldn't have been better.

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We've all seen it -- a child says something wildly inappropriate and shocks the adults around her. Her parents shake their heads, "We don't know where she gets this stuff." It's happened to me, and because my kids spend nearly all day, every day with me alone, I can't look much farther than my own behavior.

I think that most, if not all, parents slip now and then -- a curse word slips out, voices get raised, carefully honed parenting techniques fly out the window in the face of fatigue and stress. Kids are resilient, they learn that grown ups make mistakes just like kids do. And we try harder not to make those mistakes the next time.

An Australian organization called ChildFriendly.org recently put out a children's rights video titled "Children See." It depicts parents at their worst -- abusive, violent, careless, angry -- as well as their children following their lead. It's disconcerting, disturbing, startling, but it's also an excellent reminder for even the most thoughtful parent that our children are watching us, every minute of every day.

Watch the video below, then share your thoughts with us in comments.

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