What's the deal with toddler birthday parties?
Categories: Toddlers, Holidays
I have a confession to make: I suck at birthday parties. Especially the birthday parties of small children, and particularly the birthday parties of my own small boy. This has become a matter of increasing urgency. My son is turning three this year, and has not, yet, had a birthday party. That's bad, isn't it?
See the thing is, though I totally dig being Bean's mama, many things associated with motherhood haven't come naturally to me. Like packing snacks for the playground, decorating his bedroom, or planning his birthday parties. I assumed that I'd acquire this knowledge in the same way I'd miraculously acquired the ability to sooth my shrieking baby back to sleep in the middle of the night. But the instinctual ability to pack a diaper bag or shop gracefully with a stroller, a baby, and an armful of bags never did develop..
His first birthday didn't happen in part because my husband and I had just begun renovating our new house and were trying to do something about the fact that we'd just removed a major load bearing wall. It also had do do with the fact that my husband and I couldn't agree on what a first birthday celebration should mean. His basic theory "Why celebrate at all because the kid won't even remember anyway" (His words, not mine.) Mine was more along the lines of, "Woo-hoo we made it through the first year with our kid intact, someone give us a medal immediately."
In the end, his birthday slipped by without so much as a muffin on the day of. We did have a festive dinner with a few good friends a day or so later, and there may have been an couple presents. Markedly absent however were the following: Icing. Icing-on-face-smooshing. Party hats. Other small persons similarly lacking the ability to propel themselves vertically across the room.
I vowed to do better with his second birthday.
But when the time rolled around, I was totally unprepared. What does one plan for a toddler whose birthday falls a few days after Valentines day, in the thick of winter?
I decided on a sledding party, for lack of a better idea. Bean had just barely gotten the concept of sledding and was not very into the whole idea of snow-in-the-face, but still, it seemed like it had potential to be fun. I bought last minute invitations and sent them out to a half dozen friends with small kiddos; bought some cute napkins and paper plates, and thought I was more or less set. Then it snowed. And snowed. First three feet. Then more. Our long narrow drive was slippery with ice and packed on either side with walls of snow and we canceled the entire thing.
Bean didn't seem to mind. The whole concept of BIRTHDAY wasn't really cemented in his head. yet, and he was game for the cake with chocolate-cream cheese icing we made together in the kitchen, and was giddy with delight blowing out his two candles plus one to grow on. We took pictures. He had presents. Still a party didn't happen.
Now we're a half a year away from his third birthday and a part of me is already dreading the idea of it. Midwinter. Three-year-olds. Etc. Another part of me thinks it is ridiculous to be even thinking about his birthday party this far in advance. But I have mama friends who routinely do these kinds of things. They have day-planners marked with in-advance bookings so that their kids can have had pony rides and magic shows and music performances at their parties.
I want to know what the deal is with toddler parties. Particularly three-year-old toddler parties (Are three year olds even called toddlers? Maybe that's a good place to start.) How much is enough (or not enough?) How much is too much?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Amanda 8-25-2007 @ 2:54PM
You poor thing. don't stress so much! quit putting sooooooo much thought into it, I think kids should have a birthday party because it is a little bit about you too ya know! My daughter's 1st b-day party was at a pizza joint, and her birthday is a few days after valentines day so I got a walmart sheet cake with lots of pink icing and hearts. and I printed my own invitations on some cute card stock i bought very cheap at a local stationary store and I checked out www.verseit.com for ideas on the wording for the invites. Then for birthday #2 which happened to fall on the same weekend as the Mardi Gras I had her party at my moms house, the guest list was shortened slightly and we got another cheap (but yummy) sheet cake from walmart, this time with purple, green and gold icing for a mardi gras theme. and I bought some paper from our local stationary store with a Mardi Gras theme and there you have it. A birthday party with no stress. P.S. for b-day #2 I found mardi gras themed plates, napkins and cups for practically nothing at party city.
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Nicola 8-25-2007 @ 2:59PM
We have a February 21 birthday boy and live in the midwest, so I understand your pain. Especially since I grew up in southern CA and don't really know how to do a birthday party that's not either at the beach, at the park, or in somebody's pool!
First birthday we just had friends and kids over, cake, food. It was for the adults. But we deserved a little celebration for making it!
Second birthday we did a Gymboree party. HUGE success. They did such a great job and it really wasn't expensive. All of the kids had the best time ever and it really was a party to remember.
Third birthday we had at the Children's Museum. Another big hit and even cheaper than Gymboree. You supply the cake, the museum supplies the room and two hours of exploration time.
Fourth birthday is undecided. We may do a swim party at the YMCA.
You just have to be creative with winter parties. If, like me, you're not into the crafty make up your own games and bake a super cake and put together fantastic themed goody bags thing, you find a venue and let them do the work! We've been to parties at Chuck E Cheese, restaurants where they just rented out a room. I prefer giving the kids something to do (a la Gymboree or Children's Museum), but there are options out there. And they really aren't as expensive as you'd think...
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rebecca Biernesser 8-25-2007 @ 3:12PM
There is nothing wrong in not throwing a party. My oldest is 6. We threw a party to mark brthday #1 and it was mainly family. The rest of the birthday's are family style. My brother lives around the corner with his group and g-parents live with us, so we are together and opening gifts. This year we did the family thing at CiCi's Pizza....maybe as he gets older and knows more kids, we might throw a party, but till then? Nope...
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Jill 8-25-2007 @ 4:08PM
Start by keeping it small. Age = number of friends, possibly plus one if you want more than one girl, for instance. Buy simple invites where you fill in the who/where/what/when. Buy or make a cake, get some juice boxes and some pretzels and beer for the parents, plates, napkins and forks (these can match but who cares) and maybe mylar balloons to make the place festive.
1. Kids come in, get wild, run around playing with whatever toys you've left around. 15 minutes after the last kid arrives...
2. You yell "cake time" and they come, you sing, eat and drink. Have the trashcan and wetwipes ready.
3. They run and play to burn off the sugar. You did put away any toys you don't want them to use, right?
4. You yell "presents" and your child opens the gifts he/she was just given (open family gifts at breakfast to simplify this). This is when I give a 'thank you' gift to the friends so they have something new too. I keep it small and avoid candy, but give one lasting toy instead of dollar store trinkets.
5. The kids go run around and play with the new stuff until time to go.
I plan toddler parties for about 4:30 pm, post nap. Then everyone will want to go home to get dinner and the party breaks up before 6pm. Chances are, none of them will eat much dinner, but its only one day.
Ask someone to take pictures for you. Don't try to do it yourself.
Good luck!
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Uly 8-25-2007 @ 4:34PM
Growing up, all my parties fell into the same mold:
Role of grownups:
Bake cake.
Purchase marzipan.
Wrap presents.
Role of kids:
Come over and enjoy it.
No need to get yourself all worked up, I promise, a plateful of cake and the chance for three or four kids to run around (more than that is definitely overkill when you're stuck inside) wreaking mild havoc is more than enough for kidlets this age.
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Wendy 8-25-2007 @ 5:25PM
We saw all birthday parties as a way to get together with our friends and family. Everyone is running so much, but they seem to slow down for a birthday party. We try to keep it low key. There were not much of a theme, except what appeared on the special plates for the cake. And I am not much for thinking up games and prizes for the kids to do. We basically provide a safe place for the kids to run wild and the adults can sit and talk.
I would advise that you save the big blow out parties for when they are older when the peer pressure is so great. I have found that whether there were pony rides or just letting the kids play with toys they always have fun. My basic theory is that as long as their are other kids around and cake the b-day kid will be happy until I guess around 6/7 years old. And even then cake is optional. My daughter didnt even eat her b-day cake at her 5 yr old party.
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pbhj 8-25-2007 @ 6:12PM
Welcome: musical bumps; hokey-cokey; simon-says; pass-the-parcel; sleeping lions; hotdogs; cake; jelly (aka Jello) and icecream; video whilst waiting for pickups; home before they throw up the jelly.
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Nancy Toby 8-25-2007 @ 7:02PM
Omigod. Cake with birthday candles and ice cream with mom and dad at the kitchen table is PLENTY in our house. For twins.
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Marcia 8-25-2007 @ 10:27PM
My daughter turns 1 next month. We are planning a family get together at our house for a BBQ or pizza, haven't decided yet, and cake. All of my birthday parties were always mostly family oriented and that's fine because family (and close friends) are who matter the most anyways. As long as we have good food, a place to sit, and a restroom of course, we're good to go!
I just don't see the point in wasting so much money when you can have fun in the comfort of your own home surrounded by loved ones. Sometimes we do a turkey dinner and have cake for desert. To me, good company is more important than how much money you dumped to impress people.
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Jessica 8-26-2007 @ 9:12AM
I just attended a 3rd birthday party yesterday with my 2.5 year old son at the Houston Museum of Natural Science. It was awesome. There were about 15 kids. Mom brought the food and drinks. The party was bug themed. They started with a craft where the kids made coffee filter butterflies which they got to decorate. Followed by a visit to a preschool age friendly play area with puzzles, puppets, and block type toys. Followed by a visit to an interactive bug exhibit where there were lots of live bugs (in tanks), touchscreen "video" games, and other fun interactive stuff. My son LOVED it. That was followed by cupcakes. NOTE: The birthday boy was a little upset that he didn't have a real birthday cake. If you go the cupcake route, get a little cake for the birthday boy! Finally the kids washed their hands and got to pet various live critters. Most of the kids parties I've been to recently do not include opening presents as part of the party which I personally prefer. We're planning our son's party for the zoo because March in Houston is actually a GREAT time to be outdoors. Overall it seems that any cost to have a party at a kid-friendly venue would outweigh the stress and time of prepping my home for a party, entertaining kids, and cleanup afterwards. Pump it up is also great for pre-school parties but 3 is probably the youngest it would make sense to have one there (my 2.5 year old likes it there but has some trouble doing some of the stuff himself).
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caitlin 8-26-2007 @ 9:27AM
My son is also going to be 3 this year and hasn't had a "friends" birthday. I thought about it for his half birthday (his birthday is Christmas day, and everyone we know is busy with holiday stuff from Halloween until New Year's). But when I was working on the guest list, we were over 75 people, because of office politics. We live in a townhouse, so we'd have to rent somewhere to accommodate everyone, so we'd be spending $500 at the minimum. And quite frankly, I'm not interested in throwing a party like that just so no one's feelings get hurt. And I don't think my son needs 40 gifts in the $15-30 range every year.
We're waiting until he's old enough to invite friends before throwing him something besides a birthday party. And I imagine when he gets to that age, we'll probably do things like backyard camp parties or a make your own pizza and decorate your own mini cake type party.
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